Friendship is a funny thing

Growing up, I never had a lot of friends. I had my best friend, Chris C, but outside of that I always wanted to be “an adult” and hang out with them. I guess I was just an old soul then. The problem with that is I never learned how to effectively make friends. That might sound crazy, but looking back on it, I think that is the best way to put it.

When I got to high school I was never the “popular” kid, by any means. But, I had friends. I had good friends who at the time I really enjoyed hanging out with. My second best friend came in Erin Jones, my co-worker at the good old CD+. But, even in those, I didn’t have an actual best friend that I could share anything “heavy” with.

Finally, college. I thought this would be my place to make it in the friendship world. And, I was right. Outside of my Sigma Chi Brothers, I got one of the best friend’s I could ask for in Stephanie. We shared a lot of great times together. Sadly, when I moved that friendship fizzled. We are still great friends, and I miss her ALL the time, but we are not as close as we once were.

Now, I find myself in this post-college, quarter-life crisis of sorts. The interesting thing is, I seem to have reverted back to my high school self in the friendship arena. I still have good friends. There are some who came to be that way by surprise, but they are good friends. Yet, I still hesitate to share much with them. I am opening up to them, slowly but surely, and that will continue to happen. But, I am in that place where there is no best friend. Don’t get me wrong, that isn’t the end of the world, but I am simply stating a fact.

I have come to the following conclusions. First- I do have best friends. To me, I define that as someone I am comfortable being myself with, comfortable sharing things with, and want to be around. Second- My sense of not having one is likely a result that I am not sure I am anyone’s best friend. Though it could be (and my sister wouldn’t count) that I am, I don’t know it. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but shows me ways I can hopefully change to welcome that into my life.

Final realization- friendship is the root of life. I mentioned in an earlier blog how important my brothers are. And that is not changed. But those Brothers who mean the most to me are great friends. Those I can turn to if needed, and who can turn to me. I am happy with the friendships I have. I am happy with those friendships that are developing. I can only hope they develop further and new ones don’t stop presenting themselves. Perhaps one day, I will find that best friend. Until then, I love all of my friends and hope you all know it!

 

~Chrispy~